Over the summer, we saw so many Olympic athletes who overcame adversity to achieve their big dreams. Those stories inspire us to instill grit and self-belief in our kids.
Now our kids are facing a new year at school. No matter what, they’ll experience adversity, too. How can we help them develop the strength, confidence, and resilience to meet those challenges?
Turns out, it’s by helping them cultivate a growth mindset. In this post, we’ll share five big strategies for cultivating a growth mindset in kids.
Model resilience and positive thinking
Kids learn a lot by watching their parents, which is great… Only, most of the time, we’re not 100% conscious of what we’re modeling.
For example, have you ever noticed how you talk about yourself in front of your kid? When you make a mistake, what do you say? When you have to do something you’re “not good at,” what do they see?
If you sometimes disparage yourself (even jokingly), that’s totally normal! But we want to model positive self-talk to teach kids how to deal with mistakes and adversity.
So, try to flip the script whenever you can. Here are some ideas for talking about ‘failure” in a way that cultivates a growth mindset:
- Acknowledge the mistake. Openly say, “I made a mistake, and that’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes.” Kids love this because it reminds them they are not the only ones making mistakes!
- Focus on solutions. Verbalize how you bounce back from a mistake or failure. For example, “I’ll try a different way to solve this problem.” Or “Let me look up a better way to do this.”
- Emphasize learning. Remind them that it’s not about the outcome, it’s about the learning. Talk to them about how you’re learning from the challenge. For example, “Hmmm, what will I do differently next time to improve?”
- Stay positive. Be optimistic yet realistic. For example, “It’s challenging, but I’ll keep working on it until I get better.”
- Use humor. Show them that some mistakes aren’t that big of a deal. For example, “At least we can use these burnt burgers as hockey pucks!” Or, “Wow, my drawing looks nothing like Buster… but it sure does look like Bigfoot!”
- Demonstrate perseverance. If it’s something you’re really working on, talk to your kid about your strategy. For example, “I’ll take classes to improve.”
Modeling this self-talk for your kids can change the way they think about themselves and their challenges. It can also change the way we think about ourselves — a win-win.
Cheer on bravery, effort, determination…
Your kid is amazing, right? As parents, we’re so genuinely awed by what kids can do as they grow and develop that sometimes we gush with praise, right?
However, experts say there are some kinds of praise we should avoid:
- Non-specific praise: Automatic praise like “Good job!” may not help kids learn and grow. It’s too vague, and kids can’t tell what they did right and what to do again in the future.
- Praising intelligence: Praising kids for being “smart” can backfire. They’ll fear losing our praise if they try something new and look “dumb.”
- Praising talent: Kids who are praised for talent are highly sensitive to failure, more likely to give up when faced with a challenge, and more risk-averse.
- Insincere praise: Kids understand when praise isn’t genuine, and it can erode trust. Likewise, praising kids for things they can easily do can give them the impression that we have low expectations.
Dr. Carol Dweck’s research shows that when we praise kids for innate abilities (like intelligence or talent), they start to believe, “You’ve either got it or you don’t!”
In other words, they start to put too much stock in what they can’t change instead of focusing on what they can improve.
This “fixed mindset” (the opposite of a growth mindset) can cause kids to fear failure. When kids fear failure, they pull back from their dreams.
What should we do instead?
Research shows that kids thrive when we praise them for things they can change — like the effort and strategies they apply.
For example, “Wow, you really worked hard to improve your shot by practicing on the net every day. Look at how it paid off!”
Or, “When you were struggling with that essay, you tried a new strategy. Creating an outline was really effective!”
This kind of praise helps kids understand that they can “win” with hard work, learning, and persistence. They’ll be more motivated, confident, and resilient in the face of challenges… Exactly what they need to pursue big dreams!
Talk to them about your process, too!
It’s not just how we talk about our mistakes and struggles that matters. How we talk about our success influences our child’s mindset, too.
When your kid notices your talents or when you accomplish something significant, remember that it’s a learning opportunity. Talk to your kids about how you developed the skill or overcame the challenge.
For example, if you got a promotion at work, explain how you prioritized your work, set goals, asked for feedback, and earned recognition.
This applies even to little things. If you’re amazing at skipping stones, it’s probably because you spent hours doing it as a kid. Your kid doesn’t know that! They just think you’re a hero. Explain the work that went into it, so they know they can be great, too!
These everyday exchanges really can reinforce their growth mindset. Studies show that “kids who grow up in a growth mindset home environment typically believe that they can grow their intelligence and talent with practice, effort, and hard work. (Ricci & Lee, 2016).” — Kiddie Matters
Let them try and fail (or fall in love with something new)
Young kids are used to trying new things, stumbling, and pushing through! They’re born learners.
Sometimes as kids grow, they get scared to try new things they’re not good at yet. It could be a subject at school, a sport, or even just socializing with new kids.
A growth mindset is an openness to learning. It’s essential for kids so they can set bigger goals, improve, and become more than they imagined.
Here are some ideas:
- Get in the “discomfort zone”: Let kids know that it’s ok to feel awkward or uncertain while trying to master something new. Being out of your comfort zone is where you learn.
- Try totally different activities: Encourage your child to try different sports, arts, or learning games. Each new activity is an opportunity to learn, grow, and discover new interests.
- Remind them that failure is part of the process: Emphasize that it’s ok to “fail.” (Aka, not be perfect immediately.) In fact, it’s expected. Everyone starts out as a beginner.
Activities like these help kids develop the confidence that they can handle whatever comes their way! This mindset helps them embrace learning and achieve more academically.
“Students who believe they can substantially increase their intelligence and ability through experience and effort (‘growth mindset’) often react to academic challenges by allocating more effort, experimenting with new approaches, and seeking feedback.
Students with a growth mindset set mastery goals and increasingly challenging tasks that promote skill development and acquisition.” — MIT Teaching & Learning Lab
Encourage problem-solving
Have you ever watched your kid have a meltdown over a minor challenge, like tying their shoes, making their bed, or doing homework? We all have!
Don’t worry. They just need to learn problem-solving skills so that the next time they face a problem, they have a can-do mentality.
Here are some tips to help your child develop these skills:
- Lower the stakes. Remember, they might be feeling a lot of pressure, even if the task is small. Frame the challenge as a fun opportunity, so they can relax and think creatively. For example, “Mistakes are part of learning. Let's find out what we can learn from this.”
- Ask questions to stimulate curiosity. Instead of telling them the solution, guide them to think about possible solutions instead of focusing on what’s going wrong. Ask questions like, “What else can you try?” or “What have you done before that worked?”
- Give them practice solving problems solo. If your instinct is to swoop in and help, pause. Let them solve everyday problems independently—even if they’re slow or messy. This builds confidence and reinforces the idea that they can overcome obstacles.
- Break it into steps. Kids sometimes need our help breaking a challenge down into smaller, achievable steps so it’s not so overwhelming. For example, you can say, “Let's start by figuring out what the first step might be.” This strategy is one they can use again and again!
- Celebrate the effort. When they overcome the challenge, praise them for their effort, persistence, and strategy. They’ll remember your positive words and be more motivated to problem-solve in the future.
By fostering problem-solving skills, you help your child develop a growth mindset that will help them achieve their biggest dreams.
Get excited about how they’ll learn and grow this school year
The school year is full of challenges for us and for kids. But, if we see challenges as opportunities for growth, we can face them with more positivity and persistence.
Just think: your kid is developing a growth mindset now that will help them achieve whatever they dream!
Of course, kids also need nutrients to make the most of every day. That’s why Renzo’s makes melty tabs loaded with quality nutrients and zero junk! It’s a yummy way for kids to get vitamins, minerals and more than help their developing brains and bodies.